For the North American Jewish community, religion can sometimes be a taboo subject. Many American Jews describe themselves as culturally Jewish, thinking Judaism as a religion doesn’t seem relevant to their lives. Moreover, discussing God or practicing ritual with meaning can be seen as a social snafu. In many corners of the American Jewish population, the “opiate-for-the-masses” attitude regarding religion prevails. This rather condescending mindset stands on the opinion that anyone with religious beliefs is not a thinker. How this attitude affects the more spiritually-inclined, especially those seeking to convert or recent Jews-by-choice, is one that Jews by birth should be aware of and take into consideration. A few weeks ago, Lindsy Van Gelder, a Jew-by-choice, explained her experience of telling her friends about her decision to convert to Judaism in the Jewish Daily Forward article, “A Fraught Journey to Judaism”:

Several friends whose lives seemed to be no less screwed up than mine expressed alarm when they heard my plans, their premise being that no intelligent person would turn to religion except to salve a deep existential wound; hence, things with me must be far more horrendous than they had realized…This holding up of a secular cross against the vampire of religions was true of recovering Christians and lifelong atheists, but among the most adamant were the pastrami Jews who hadn’t been in a synagogue for decades.

That her conversations with fellow Jews proved to be so “fraught” begs a number of questions. Are we becoming intolerant of theism and new believers? Is Jewish skepticism of God and religion imposing on others’ experiences of Judaism? It is true that there are many active participants of the Jewish community who do not feel that belief in God or the meaning in Jewish ritual are important to their Jewish identities; however, some downplay these aspects of Judaism even to newcomers, unaware that for some, these rituals and beliefs represent the core of their Jewish selves. Certainly the relative lack of God-speak in modern Jewish dialogue (beyond prayer) does not help the situation. However, the paucity should not lead to intolerance, nor preclude us from welcoming conversations about God and belief without disparagement. In fact, we have the obligation to welcome all newcomers who looking for ways to find meaning in Jewish life; an obligation that comes right from the Torah.

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My bubbe (grandmother in Yiddish) was one of those classic Russian Jewish immigrants, the last of her generation in our family. She was less interested in whether I learned something new at school than whether I asked good questions. And when we lived on the second floor of her home when I was a young child, that is what she would ask me each day when I came home from school. It was never: “What did you do in school today?” She was smart enough to know that the answer would probably be, “Nothing.” Instead, she would probe: “What question did you ask today? Was it a good question?” Perhaps it was that push that shaped my (sometimes overly) critical eye even as a young child.

Questions are important in Judaism. It isn’t coincidental that one of the many stereotypes about Jews is focused on how we answer questions with questions. While that may or may not be true, I don’t think that we spend enough time answering the big questions—especially in the context of our programs and institutions.

Because of the success of the project called Ask Big Questions, developed by Rabbi Josh Feigelson when he was at Northwestern University Hillel (a project that we at JOI helped shape as a result of a partnership between Hillel and JOI, funded by the Samuel Bronfman Foundation), Hillel International has taken the program national—an important step forward and a recognition of its importance. The questions posed are mostly personal—more existential, as they should be.

But there are other questions that the Jewish community has to ask, as well. Of the various questions being posed by the Jewish community today, we at JOI are thrilled at the change we see in some of these questions. In particular, even in the most inflexible institutions we have seen a real change in attitude from “Should we engage those who are intermarried?” to “How do we effectively engage the intermarried?” And even more, we at JOI have many of the answers.

In this article in the Daily Kos, author Lindsy Van Gelder describes in poignant detail the challenge of being caught between often contradictory views that the Jewish community has of children of intermarriage. On the one hand, many Jews rejected her and her family as “not Jewish enough” and “unwelcome.” On the other hand, as a result of her Jewish heritage, there were many in the community who claimed that she was already Jewish but did not provide her with a mechanism, such as conversion, that would allow her to become unambiguously Jewish.

The challenge of growing up with two parents of different religious backgrounds stems from the complexity of managing an often intricate network of family loyalties and ethnic pride. As a child of intermarried parents myself, I often walk the delicate line between honoring both sides of my heritage (see my post last year on attending church on Christmas) and feeling a tremendous affinity for Judaism, while at the same time fending off questions from numerous segments of the Jewish community as to why I don’t plan to convert.

While this article explores the challenges and pain that often come from having a complicated Jewish identity, I would like to assert that children of interfaith families have a tremendous gift to offer the Jewish community. Because we have a multiplicity of identities to choose from, we are in a unique position to question and think critically about what it means for us to be Jews, thus forcing Jewish institutions to think seriously about the question of “why be Jewish?” and to create new and innovative answers to that question.

The challenge is that the Jewish community can only benefit from the gifts that children of intermarriage have to offer if they are willing to reach out and invite them in. As our Jewish community diversifies, we have much to learn, and we should consider the needs of all who wish to join us.

Raising children can be difficult enough, but add in raising children in a different faith than your own, and the task becomes even more trying. This week, Johanna Ginsberg wrote a wonderful article for the New Jersey Jewish News about mothers of other religious backgrounds raising Jewish children, which highlights JOI’s Mothers Circle, a free program for this very demographic.

These mothers, whose backgrounds range from Catholic to Buddhist to non-religious, have not always had an easy path into the Jewish community. Some faced criticism and questions, especially pertaining to why they have chosen not to convert. However, more and more synagogues are making an effort to reach out to non-Jewish mothers raising Jewish children, realizing that they are often the force behind creating a Jewish home.

Tracy Lobel found Temple Shalom, a Reform congregation in Succasunna, welcoming and forthcoming from the outset. In fact, when she walked into the synagogue for the first time several years ago to enroll her oldest son, who is now 12, in religious school, she was greeted warmly and invited to join the religious school committee. She declined, explaining that she isn’t Jewish. “They said, ‘Oh, that’s okay. Maybe it’s even better because you will bring a different opinion from the rest of us,’” she said.

From December Dilemmas to standing on the bimah (raised platform or stage where the Torah is read) at a child’s bar/bat mitzvah, mothers of other religious backgrounds may confront many issues while raising Jewish children. I am excited to work for an organization that offers such a valuable program to these women, through a 16-session course, 3-session mini course, holiday prep classes, and a national listserve. If you are, or know some who is, a woman of another religious background raising Jewish children, please check out The Mothers Circle, and if there is a circle near you!

The Welcoming Synagogues project, highlighted in a recent article in the Huffington Post by Jessica Youseffi, seeks to not just welcome lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) Jews—and their non-Jewish significant others, when applicable—but offer programming and support so that these individuals feel welcome and included. Dr. Joel L. Kushner of Hebrew Union College, the organization that first piloted the Welcoming Synagogues program, advocates that inclusion isn’t successful unless it is an active and on-going process.

He outlined four steps to inclusion: content, visibility, training and language. In implementation, this might mean having visual images on the website of two dads and a child, training clergy and staff on services the community offers for LGBT Jews, or ensuring the membership forms don’t just say “mother and father” but “parent or guardian.”

Kushner’s suggestions fit within JOI’s Big Tent Judaism’s 10 Principles of Inclusion, which outline methods for institutions to welcome intermarried families, Jews of color, LGBT Jews, and all who either consider themselves or their households Jewish or are involved in the Jewish community. The idea of creating not just a welcoming physical space, but a welcoming web space, is one we also advocate for, in addition to training “front-line” staff to ensure they are greeting all members with the same open arms.

Yet while it’s clear that in many ways “welcoming” is welcoming, regardless of who approaches our doors, at the same time there are specific sensitivities that need to be addressed depending on the unique needs and interests of each individual. That’s why we at JOI are so supportive of Dr. Kushner’s work and believe the Welcoming Synagogues project will help many synagogues address the specific interests and needs of LGBT Jews. We look forward to helping, particularly on the additional challenges and opportunities inherent in welcoming LGBT Jews in interfaith relationships. And as is implied by the project, it’s not just about weaving a better welcome mat, but making sure we build lasting, meaningful relationships and pathways into Jewish life through ongoing inclusive programming and community activities.

I heard a lecturer once talk about the idea of MOT and MOB– Member of the Tribe and Member of the Book– essentially dividing Jewish identity into two categories. It’s never that simple by the way, but it states the issue well. Am I a Jew because my family was Jewish (MOT) or am I a Jew because I keep Kosher, walk to Shul on Shabbat, obey as many of the 613 mitzvot that I can remember, and can recite the whole Amidah (a very long prayer) from memory (MOB)? Is one better than the other? Can I claim to be “Jewier” than thou? Can you?

It’s certainly a common way to look at our community, and an interesting point that we’ve been debating since the parting of the Red Sea, but it misses one truly important factor. Our community is far more than just MOT’s and MOB’s, and trying to divide it into this one or that one does us all a great disservice. Like any truly vibrant community, homogeny is an illusion. It’s our diversity that makes us interesting and the blending of cultures and practices that keeps things interesting. We are Sephardic and Ashkenazi and Ethiopian. We come from Italy and Spain, Russia and Iran and Tucson, AZ (that would be yours truly) and each culture brings something unique to the celebration of Jewish identity.

Most importantly however, neither idea, MOT or MOB, take into account one of the largest segments of our Community (and I use Community with a capital C here): the wonderful and loving partners of other religious backgrounds who have chosen to marry into a Jewish family. Let’s forget for a moment where we come from, and choose to see and appreciate the choices we’ve made today. While much of our Jewish identity is wrapped up in where we come from, I think we do ourselves harm if we don’t also include where we are going. And where we are going will be defined by everyone who is making this journey with us, not just those of us who were born into the Jewish community, and it’s important that we not forget that.

JOI has spent years advocating for openness and inclusion in our communities. More and more we are seeing the results as organizations around the country are actively reaching out to these families and encouraging them to come and share those most Jewish of values: learning and being a part of something greater. What those open arms say more than anything else is, “You belong here. We value you and we believe there is something here that you will find valuable.”

eJewishPhilanthropy.com has featured an article by JOI Executive Director Rabbi Kerry Olitzky and Associate Executive Director Paul Golin on the progress of the Public Space Judaism model.

A phrase coined by JOI after a landmark study in 2001, Public Space Judaism is the methodology of bringing Judaism to where people are, outside of the walls of our Jewish institutions, and into public spaces such as supermarkets and bookstores. 2011 saw the rise of public space programs from other organizations in the Jewish community, pointing to a rise in the method’s acceptance and success. We are seeing more and more outreach programming for less-engaged Jews and intermarried households, and the success of these programs is encouraging.

Rabbi Olitzky and Paul Golin look forward to what 2012 has in store:

JOI’s outreach comes from a place of genuine optimism about the future of Jewish life in America. This isn’t a desperation membership drive. We’re out there sharing what we love about being Jewish and helping individuals explore their own connections to whatever they find meaningful in our tradition, culture, and/or peoplehood. We look forward to continuing to share what we’ve learned about outreach and engagement with as many Jewish communal professionals and volunteer leaders as we possible can in 2012.

Public Space Judaism can take place almost anywhere, and JOI can provide the resources for your community to run programs like Passover in the Matzah Aisle and Hands-On Hanukkah. We encourage institutions and organizations to continue to look beyond their physical walls and reach out to the community at large, and the Public Space Judaism model that JOI has created allows for greater outreach. We must also keep in mind that it’s not just the location that matters, but what takes place there: outreach methodology includes many other techniques such as data collection, follow-up, and next-step program planning. JOI can offer resources and tools to maximize the potential of these programs, and we look forward to working with new communities in 2012.

Two things to share about myself:

1. I’m the Jewish half of an interfaith relationship with a fiancée who grew up in a committed Christian culture.

2. I’ve been fairly fascinated (obsessed?) with the Tim Tebow phenomenon. (See the latest eerie commentary from ESPN.)

After bothering a number of Jewish friends and acquaintances with my Tebowmania obsession, I decided to get my fiancee’s reaction. (For the record, she is a very occasional watcher of football and improbably came in third-place in our family’s fantasy football league despite never having played before.)

Her response: In principle, there’s nothing wrong with it. He’s a good guy doing good things. But there’s something about the frequency and public nature of how he does it that seems self-serving. She feels that he should let his acts speak for themselves without having to say it out loud so much, a point she said had been addressed by her minister in sermons long before Tebowmania. (Although according to this ESPN article, he apparently does that as well.)

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Just after the High Holidays, we posted a blog about the wave of synagogues who not only offered free High Holiday services this year, but in same cases threw their membership model out the window completely. Some synagogues here in New York have switched to a model of “pay what you can,” and the idea seems to be spreading.

In an article posted on eJewishPhilanthropy.com today, Dan Judson highlights a Boston area synagogue that has changed their membership dues model, and is now seeing a slow and steady increase in membership. Temple Israel of Sharon, MA was seeing a decline in membership, and was not meeting its annual budget. Families were leaving as the synagogue increased dues every year to compensate for the slow economy and rising costs of maintenance. So, after considering several options, the synagogue decided to “scrap” the current model, and replace it with a voluntary system by which families can essentially pay what they want to be members.

While the first two years continued to see a deficit, it was smaller than with the dues system, and this past year actually saw positive numbers, as well as an increase in membership. Creating a system in which people don’t feel like they have to pay encourages them to pay, and the synagogue is finally turning around financially.

Here at JOI, we acknowledge that changes to the synagogue culture like the change seen at Temple Israel, are a slow and steady process. It can be scary for synagogues to let go of the monetary reigns and allow congregants to dictate when and how much they will pay to be members of their local Jewish community. However, in these difficult economic times, new financial models may be worth exploring. We are eager to see what other new membership models synagogues try, particularly those that can not only raise the necessary funds but that also promote inclusion by welcoming in all families regardless of financial standing and the ability to give.

As the gay rights movement has developed and restructured our secular and Jewish worlds, we have witnessed a change in perception regarding gay rights among North Americans. With realistic (and non-stereotypical) gay characters and couples abounding on TV shows, the legalization of gay marriage in the state of New York, and the Conservative movement’s ordination of the first openly gay rabbi in 2011, it comes as no surprise that the Orthodox Jewish community has begun to wrestle with the seeming paradox of open homosexuality in Orthodox practice. While the debate is not new (the 2001 provocative documentary, Trembling Before God certainly attests to this), we must thank Rabbi Steven Greenberg, an openly gay Orthodox rabbi, for his dedication to shaking up the protocol regarding gays in the Orthodox world. His advocacy, both through his words and actions, has pushed the bounds of Halacha (Jewish law).

Rabbi Greenberg’s recent article, “A Place for Gays in Orthodoxy,” in the Jewish Daily Forward, specifically articulates the steps necessary to allow for Orthodox Judaism to make room for gays in the Orthodox community. His words are particularly potent, as they speak to the struggles of gay individuals, both Jewish and non-Jewish alike. Rabbi Greenberg explains:

I was recently told in a single New York City psychiatric clinic there is a suicide attempt by a gay Orthodox person yearly. Sadly, the healthiest of these young people, having read the tea leaves years earlier, decide that they will have no life in the Orthodox world and are no longer frum by the time their parents find out.

Though Rabbi Greenberg does demand Orthodox rabbis to begin to reevaluate their Halachic interpretation of homosexuality, he more importantly calls for actions that can immediately affect the lives of gay individuals dealing with communal rejection. To ensure that gay Orthodox Jews do not desert the movement for more accepting communities, Orthodox Judaism should follow in the footsteps of their sister movements and take ownership of a “welcoming” mindset. It cannot be just the Orthodox family’s acceptance of the gay family member. It cannot be just Rabbi Greenberg and a few Orthodox rabbis who secretly articulate the profound conundrums they face. Instead, “communal expectations,” which can degrade the dignity of gay community members, must be eliminated.

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We at JOI are always looking for new and innovative ways for parents to educate their children about the diverse world that we live in, which reflect the changing nature of the Jewish community. Recently, we were alerted to a new application for the iPad called “And So You Were Born,” an electronic book that promotes the important values of love and respect for diversity. This electronic book features videos, games, text, and music to help young children learn about different faiths and to feel accepted and welcome in a diverse world.

There are two advantages to presenting interfaith education in a format such as an iPad application. The first is the diversity of material. The application feature quotations from a variety of different faiths, including Ba’hai, Buddhism, and Islam. This exposure will help children to learn not only about the faiths in their own family, but the religions of their friends and others in their community as well. We at the Jewish Outreach Institute are increasingly seeing intermarriages between Jews and people of non-Christian backgrounds such as Islam and Buddhism, and this application could help to address the needs of families from these backgrounds.

The second advantage of this technology is its engaging nature and ease of use. It presents the option of customizing video, text, and audio to include the child’s family and friends, and it provides games so that children can interact with the information beyond the story component. For children who are used to interacting with media such as iPads and iPods, presenting a message of interfaith through these media will feel comfortable and engaged by this virtual story.

We at JOI are excited to see creative use of new technologies in promoting interfaith acceptance and education. In this age of virtual communication, building innovative and low barrier technological applications enables religious educators to meet people where they are.

For 25-year-old Vermont state legislator Kesha Ram, life is about much more than just politics. As the daughter of a Jewish mother and a Hindu father, Ram was raised to cherish and respect both religions. Having already visited India several times, Ram, at the suggestion of her brother, recently visited Israel as part of a Taglit-Birthright trip.

While in Israel, Ram says “it’s important to see ancient spaces and to understand history where it happened.” Spending time in Israel allowed her to reconnect with her Jewish side, and also to bring some political ideas back home. In addition to learning about Israel’s use of solar energy, she would also like to see the United States adopt a voluntary service model similar to the Israel Defense Force’s.

Growing up in an interfaith family in which both religions claim her as their own (Judaism uses matrilineal descent while Hinduism uses patrilineal), has helped shape Kesha Ram into the person she is today, which is, in fact, the youngest state legislator in the country. Ram’s college rabbi attributes this to her open ear and open mind, and I believe that by being raised essentially in two cultures and two religions, she has a greater understanding about not just keeping that open mind, but accepting others’ beliefs and opinions as well.

Here at JOI, we see the adult children of intermarriage as an important part of the future of the Jewish community. 20-somethings like Kesha will help shape this future into a positive, nurturing, and welcoming Jewish community in which all sorts of Jews will be included.

We at the Jewish Outreach Institute often highlight the changes that need to be made in the American Jewish community to prepare for its future growth. As we struggle to broaden the Jewish community, it is equally important acknowledge the progress made through the hard work and advocacy of a few pioneers. The Jewish community has opened many doors in the last few decades as a result of these visionaries.

One such recently departed pioneer, Dr Paula Hyman, deserves her due. A historian and feminist, Dr. Hyman leaves quite a legacy. Beyond her critical historical research on Jewish women’s contributions to the American immigrant experience, Dr. Hyman’s feminism and advocacy catalyzed change within the Conservative movement and thereby the American Jewish community at large. Her 1972 delivery of the speech “Jewish Women Call for Change,” (with fellow Jewish feminists) to the rabbis of the Conservative movement called to end restrictions on women. At the time, Conservative Judaism’s views regarding women’s participation did not look too different from those of Modern Orthodox Judaism. However, with Dr. Hyman’s advocacy and subsequent appointment as the first woman dean of undergraduates at the Jewish Theological Seminary, Conservative Judaism veered in a new direction. Her leadership brought almost full equality to the movement of my own upbringing.

I want to acknowledge Dr. Hyman because I benefited from her fight. Entirely unaware of their struggles, I became a Bat Mitzvah at a Conservative synagogue and felt like an equal in the Houston Jewish community. Today, I regularly work with Reform and Conservative female rabbis and cantors, women who lead minyanim, and female leaders of the Jewish community. There is a pervasive sense of egalitarianism within the American Jewish community in no small party to the late Dr. Hyman. Tablet Magazine deemed her a “Shivah Star.” If only I had known her earlier.

After spending the day meeting with the likes of AIPAC and J Street, a contingency of 19 Australian Union of Jewish Students leaders visited JOI’s offices for an informal Q&A about JOI’s work. Associate Director Paul Golin and Senior Director of Training Eva Stern led the session, talking about innovative approaches to outreach such as Public Space Judaism, understanding of issues related to intermarriage, and the bigger picture question of why be Jewish. Students from the AUJS have visited the JOI offices for the past four years in a row now; we’re honored to host them and appreciate their interest in our work.

The students put forth extremely thoughtful questions and seemed genuinely appreciative of the responses and new perspectives. One student asked whether JOI’s work was perceived as encouraging of intermarriage. In response, Paul was able to explain that such a perception confused cause and effect, that intermarriage in North America has been a growing trend for decades at this point, that the Jewish community spent the 1960s through the 1990s trying to put its foot down during that period to no effect as the intermarriage rate continued to climb regardless. And that JOI’s work recognizes an opportunity to engage less-engaged Jews, including intermarried households, and try to help them answer the question of why be Jewish. Thoughtful, well-informed responses and explanations like this of JOI’s work seemed to have a deep impact on the students’ understanding of modern Jewish life, challenges and potential solutions.

We hope the students’ JOI experience, along with their other experiences (including last night’s performance of A Very Les Miz Hanukkah) will help them think about new approaches to outreach and inclusiveness in the Australian Jewish community as well.

One of the big questions we Jewish professionals love to explore, particularly for organizations that deal with engaging those on the periphery, is “Why be Jewish?” In marketing terms, it’s the WIIFM– What’s In It For Me? In the end we all have to answer that question for ourselves, but for me, the answer has always come down to family. I’m Jewish because my family is Jewish. “Doing Jewish” means a Seder for 50 at my cousin’s place in LA. It means lighting the menorah and singing with my parents when I was 10. It means havdallah and matzah ball soup, and all the other things you share with a big Jewish family. For me, it’s an easy answer.

Lacey Shwartz had a slightly more complex journey. I met her in Israel last summer at the ROI conference for young Jewish innovators, sponsored by the Schusterman Foundation . She shared with us a few short clips from her then work-in-progress film, “Outside the Box.” The film chronicles an unusual and sometimes uncomfortable identity crisis that in one simple moment, explodes an 18 year old Shwartz’s knowledge of self. She finds out that her white Jewish father is not, in fact, her father; her mother had an affair with an African-American man and she was the result. The film chronicles her exploration of this astounding revelation, and the reasons behind her parents choice to keep it from her for her entire childhood. At our event, Lacey spoke wonderfully about her experience, about pushing her parents for the truth which they had been denying her entire life, and about why she looked different from the rest of the family, who are all white. She has since become a vocal advocate to help the Jewish community better recognize that there is no right way to “look Jewish.”

For anyone interested in Jewish identity and issues of multi-racial and multi-culturalism, I highly recommend this film.

Among the various topics that I include in presentations about the future of the Jewish community is the notion that Judaism has entered the marketplace of ideas. We see evidence of it in various places, especially when Jewish wisdom is included in educational curricula, particularly in the discussion of values and morality. I often joke and suggest that when the bagel went from New York Jewish to fast food, it was the beginning of Jewish mainstreaming. It is also evident this time of year when the underlying values of the winter holidays are discussed, as Hanukkah has become the national Jewish holiday. What has yet to be considered, however, are the implications of this notion of Judaism entering the marketplace of ideas and how the community is going to respond to it.

Historically, such interest in Judaism has generally been in two categories: the option of conversion, or the use of Judaism to nurture the religious roots of believing Christians. While we have sometimes offered to share Judaism with believing Christians (often in the form of modeling Passover seders or through programs such as the Jewish Chautauqua Society), the only path into Judaism has been religious conversion. (Some, like Yossi Beilin, have argued for an alternative path to conversion outside of the religious sphere, but this idea has gotten no real traction.) Of course, with the increasing numbers of interfaith marriages, there are now many within the orbit of the Jewish community who will be exposed to Judaism but who are not interested in converting. However, there are those who may now be interested in converting yet they don’t fit the standard configuration of what has become more commonplace (either individuals who come to Judaism on their own, adopted children who are converted by their parents, or partners of Jews who want to convert to Judaism). And how are we to respond to them? I think that we have to be open to those who are interested in Judaism, according to their interests and not necessarily to what suits us best.

Furthermore, as evidenced in the controversial Kabbalah Centre, there are those who are interested in the various ideas of Judaism, but have no interest in converting to the Jewish religion. Yet, I see more of such interest and the development of such programs that expose people to Judaism and the ideas of Jewish thinkers without the presumption of conversion as a requirement, and I welcome them.

A year ago, I met a wonderful woman who is Korean American and grew up going to church. Last night for Hanukkah, that same woman (now my wife-to-be) hosted a latke fry for our friends and made sweet potato kimchi latkes. (All completely her idea.) And they were delicious! When we first started dating, we worried about our differences. But now we see our differences as opportunities. (Especially when it comes to food.)

She’s not converting. She even said she still wants a Christmas tree, because it’s what she grew up with. But she loves the idea of Hanukkah and other Jewish traditions. She appreciates the family aspect, the songs, the tradition…..and of course the opportunity to fuse our cultures together in creative ways.

What’s particularly interesting to me is that, before I met her, I was what you might call a not-so-engaged Jew. But the more I see Jewish holidays, traditions, and culture through her eyes, the more I appreciate what I like about being Jewish, and the better I am able to answer the question for myself of why be Jewish. As a result of our flexibility, open-mindedness, and teamwork, plus all the great things about Judaism, we are in a much better position to make sure our children grow up with Judaism as well.

I’m not saying sweet potato kimchi latkes are by themselves the key to interfaith bliss. But they are a tasty representation of how one plus one can equal three when it comes to interfaith relationships. That said, just in case you do want to try them out yourself, here’s the recipe from Epicurious.com:

* 1 pound sweet potatoes
* 1 cup packed kimchi (7 ounces), very thinly sliced
* 1 1/2 teaspoons finely chopped garlic
* 1 to 2 tablespoons chopped fresh serrano chiles (including seeds; amount depends on heat of kimchi)
* 1 cup thinly sliced scallions (from about 2 bunches)
* 1 large egg, lightly beaten
* 1 teaspoon kosher salt
* 3/4 cup all-purpose flour
* About 1/2 cup corn oil or lard

Peel sweet potatoes and julienne using slicer (about 6 cups).

Stir potato together with remaining ingredients except oil. Let mixture stand at room temperature until wilted and moist, about 5 minutes, then stir again.

Heat 2 tablespoon oil in a 12-inch heavy skillet over medium-high heat until it shimmers. Filling a 1/3-cup measure halfway full with potato mixture for each pancake and working in batches of 5 or 6, tap out into oil, gently flattening pancakes with a spatula to about 1/4 inch thick. Cook until golden brown, 1 1/2 to 2 minutes. Flip, adding a little more oil if necessary, and cook until golden brown, 1 to 2 minutes more. Transfer to paper towels to drain. Add oil to skillet between batches as needed. Serve warm, with dipping sauce.

I love this time of year. I’m actually a fan of snow, unlike so many people, and while I don’t celebrate Christmas, who doesn’t love the classics like A Christmas Story, or my personal favorite, Love Actually? But, growing up Jewish, there wasn’t much in the way of television specials. Very few families on television were Jewish, or even knew anybody Jewish, as far as I can remember, and while a menorah would somehow be stuck next to a Christmas tree on all of the TV specials, it never took center stage. So, thankfully, Jewish Woman Magazine has put out a list of the Top 8 Chanukah TV Episodes of All Time, to remind us that the Nanny was indeed Jewish, and even the “Friends” crew dealt with the “December Dilemma.”

What is most interesting about this list is how many involve interfaith marriages and families. From “Brothers & Sisters” to the now-famous Chrismukkah episode from “The O.C.,” TV may just be doing what it often does best: reflecting the world around us. With interfaith households becoming more of a majority than a minority, even fictional television families are taking part in the Festival of Lights, and are often lighting the menorah right next to the Christmas tree.

Here are a couple of my favorites from the list:

The Colbert Report – “A Colbert Christmas”

Everyone’s favorite political commentator, Jon Stewart, born Jon Stuart Leibowitz, joins comedy giant Stephen Colbert to convince him that Chanukah is actually pretty fun. Isn’t everything more entertaining in song? “When’s it start?” “On the 25th!” “Of December?” “Kislev…” “Which is when exactly?” “I’ll check.”

The Rugrats – “A Rugrats Chanukah”

Any person, adult or child, Jewish or not Jewish, who watches “A Rugrats Chanukah” can’t help but feel touched by the passion of Grandpa Boris as he tells the story of Chanukah and the amusing curiosity of Tommy Pickles and his gang as they re-enact the timeless story of bravery and miracles. Grandpa Boris’ friend Schlomo provides a memorable and meaningful explanation of the menorah: “The nightlight of our people. In times of darkness it shines on the whole world, reminding us not to be afraid to be different, but to be proud of who we are.” Simply put, you can’t get a better Chanukah episode than this one.

Tablet Magazine featured an article by JOI Associate Executive Director Paul Golin in response to a recent trend of non-intermarried Jews telling intermarried Jews that they shouldn’t put up a Christmas tree in their home. He raises the point that each family has a right to decide for themselves how they are going to tackle the December holidays. Even though he does not choose to have a Christmas tree in his own home, despite his wife’s upbringing with one, he respects others’ decisions to include this symbol of the season:

For many Jews looking in from the outside, a Christmas tree might represent the threatening, monolithic assertion: “Christian Household.” But for vast swaths of the intermarried population who put up Christmas trees but still successfully raise strongly identified Jews, that’s just not factually correct. And it’s why Tablet’s Marc Tracy drew the wrong red line when he wrote on the Scroll that the flexibility of identity requires some limits “and celebrating Christmas is beyond that limit.”

Really? Why does anyone get to decide that limit for someone else?

The overwhelming majority of Jews pick and choose which Jewish laws they find meaningful and which they reject. Keeping kosher all the time? Rejected by 85 percent of American Jewry. Believing homosexuality is an abomination? Thankfully, rejected by a growing majority. When we start telling each other that our own individual red lines are the universally accepted “Jewish” red lines—and if you cross them, you’re a bad Jew—our community descends into recriminations. Those of us working to actually grow the Jewish community understand that the message of “our way or the highway” more often than not results in the highway. Rather than telling people what they shouldn’t do, why not provide more ways for them to express their Jewish identity?

We at JOI support intermarried families raising Jewish children, regardless of their decision to have or not have Christmas trees in their homes. As Jews, we should be thankful for the fact that they have chosen to raise their children in the Jewish faith, and be open to the idea that they have a right to decide if and how to incorporate the non-Jewish partner’s traditions. Let’s focus on sharing what we love about being Jewish rather than chastising people for doing it “wrong.”

In the past 24 years, we at the Jewish Outreach Institute have seen a dramatic change in the attitudes of the American Jewish community around intermarriage. The community has become more welcoming and open to providing support to intermarried partners who wish to raise their children as Jews. And as the American intermarriage rate remains high, we seek to continue to help interfaith families feel at home in Jewish organizations.

As we at JOI champion the rights of intermarried families, we understand that many challenges will remain to the children of those unions as they experience the full spectrum of opinions in Jewish life. As such, we seek to bring our message of tolerance and inclusion to all who will hear it. Because the truth is, given the demographics of emigration in Israel and of intermarriage here, the intermarried family is the new face of the Jewish community.